Trigger Warning: The blog may be uncomfortable to read for people who have witnessed uncomfortable touch. However, it has been written with the utmost discretion, from an unbiased perspective, ensuring proper output of fact-based information rather than a portrayal of an emotions based narrative.
“Give a chance to nature
Allow the breeze to flow through you
Allow water to pour on you
Let the soil collect itself on you
Feel them on your skin till the moment you feel they are a part of you
Humans are nothing but the constituents of these elements only”
And the day was here when Jahnvi informed her dad that she no longer wanted to take math tuition. She didn’t lay concrete reasons for her request, but he conceded. She was done for all the hours when she had to sit with utmost discomfort, every time the tutor found means to pat on her shoulder, come closer to her for the explanation to a math problem or held her fist closed. Jahnvi felt suffocated while being enslaved to her silence. She felt guilt, shame and fear to speak it out to her only guardian, her father with whom she had a distant association. Years passed but the impression of those touches didn’t assuage.
Have you ever been afraid of a bad touch? This could be a byproduct of certain experiences you had that you ended up with no touch. Did you feel like distancing yourself whenever people approached to give you a warm hug? Do you find it difficult to mingle with your friends, leaning on each other through thick and thin? Do you see yourself fixed still when a close acquaintance holds your wrists for a while?
Studies suggest that men and women are equally able to detect accurate emotions through touches. However, a simple enough gesture ‘touch’ is the most unspoken one. Some of the children in their early years go through certain experiences, maybe while being a victim of bullying, to an unforgettable caressing by a close relative or a tight clutch by the tutor. This written piece envelops the plight of these children, who aren’t able to comprehend what they exactly went through. And somewhere in their mind the impression hangs. They aren’t able to process those touches as readily as they do other touches. Left behind in their subconscious are the wired impressions of these touches, which they feel reluctant to discuss with their parents, guardians or friends for the fear of being judged. Consequently, it leaves a deplorable affect on their psychology. This in turn affects their social closeness with the people. It has been observed that 75% of the cases carry forward these impressions even when they grow up.
I now navigate you to types of touch defined by psychology:
Good touch: One in which we feel secure. For instance when the doctor diagnoses us or when our grandparents kiss us
Bad touch: One which makes us afraid, uneasy or/and nervous. Sometimes bad touch seem exciting or thrilling to us, but later we feel guilty about
An unpleasant touch, especially when it is unaddressed is more of a trauma. It impels the person to withdraw from physically close association and in chasing the same, at times they even choose nothingness. The terror of these traumatic events intensifies the need for safer attachments with people along with a necessary basic trust. Those who need to hear this, do, it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay if because of such experiences you face frictional disturbances in your social ecosystem. It’s okay if you hurted someone by negating their gestures for you didn’t feel comfortable. You could explain to them gently the reasoning behind your behavior if you wish to. What is not okay, is if you let it unseen and unheard and choose to keep it with you. You don’t allow it to precipitate out in the air. And stay silent even if it comes at the cost of beautiful years of your life.
We urge the readers to follow certain practices and guide others who are going through similar experiences. You would never know, that deep down they are battling with their own soul
Firstly, know that your body is very special
Concerned institutions should educate children to take anatomical names of their private and non-private parts. This is important for the practice of the children to take correct names, so that they don’t feel embarrassed when they are talking about it
Don’t blindly follow the namesake of ‘good touch’. If you don’t feel comfortable, then it’s not okay
Do not entertain unpleasant touch just because the other person is one whom you respect or are in a position of reverence.
Enforce the power of ‘NO’ and exercise it when you deem it
The impressions of bad touch are like fog. It initially drenches us in the memory, but the good part is it fades away if we allow sufficient air of conviction
Give one chance to nature. Allow the breeze to flow through you, water pour on you, soil collect on you. Feel them on your skin till the moment you feel safe. Humans are nothing but the constituents of the five elements of this kind only. Slowly and slowly, you will start feeling composed with both of them
Write your thoughts in a diary, and visit them occasionally to organize the wired mess
Exercise your breathing patterns. In other words meditate. Meditation helps in commanding a control over your breath, when you lose it due to bad experiences. Over time when you come in safe and close association with people, you could exercise the drill and calm yourself
Visit a counselor if your behavioral pattern turns violent and aggravates your anxiety meter
Above all, spend time with your body. It needs more intimacy, love and care firstly from you
My dear readers, change doesn’t happen in a day. It takes time to herald it and feel the same. Be patient with the process. Don't make the mistake of measuring yourself on a progress meter out of impatience. Have faith! These impressions will evaporate with time and you will feel safe in your skin with time.
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About the Author:
Antisha loves to explore literature in people, places and paradoxes. One can always reach out to her for a conversation on food and finance with a cup of hot poetry.
Lucid but impactful