“No, I don’t like pink. Ew. Blue is my favourite colour.”
“I don’t wear skirts ya, they make me feel so girly!”
“I like to play video games, you know I’m not like your typical girl.”
“You’re not like other girls, you’re different!”
Isn’t something off about these statements? Why do we not want to be like ‘other girls?’ What’s so bad about them?
Growing up, I was guilty of using these phrases myself as well as accepting them as a compliment. I had a personal vendetta against the colour pink just because I didn’t want to be like ‘those’ girls. Yes, the girls who liked pink, wore nail-polishes and braided their hair beautifully. Often, it is assumed that we as women change our preferences and personality traits to be more liked by our male counterparts (in the heteronormative culture). Complete rejection of ‘girly-girl’ traits as an 11-12 years old kid wasn’t a result of seeking boy-attention! Too naive to give it a second thought, now when I look back and question my actions I realize that I unknowingly contributed to strengthening the restrictive ideals of gender identity. My reservation against everything ‘feminine’ was in fact a result of ingrained sexist stereotypes that pitted women against one another and encouraged being ‘different than other girls’ as a sign of intelligence or independence.
The idea to be seen as different stems from our very own patriarchal legacy. The very basic archetype of our ideal personalities is laid out according to the accepted notion that pretty women cannot possibly have radical thoughts. Viewing a larger picture, it’s actually femininity that is bashed and ridiculed. Empathy, emotion, vulnerability all associated with femininity are seen as a sign of weakness; exactly why women try and detach themselves from its very idea. It seems to be the only reason why men too face backlash on crying, showing vulnerability, or associating themselves with anything fairly feminine. This expectation and manipulation is kind of a misrepresentation of how femininity manifests in the modern world.
Carrying a hint of internalized misogyny, the association of masculinity with bravery, and the idea that the less feminine the trait, the more appreciable it is, is exactly why genuinely enjoying sports, distancing from the colour pink (abasically anything conventionally feminine) is a recipient of compliment. The biggest feeder of this information to the general public is pop-culture. From Taylor Swift’s “She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts”, to Kabir from YJHD backhanded complimenting Naina with- “Tumhare jaisi ladkiyaan flirting ke liye nahi, Ishq ke liye bani hain.” ( Girls like you aren’t meant to be flirted with; they’re meant to be loved), we’ve seen the very simplistic division between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ women take place. Women tapping into their presumably masculine side i.e. playing football, not caring about their looks etc. form a perfect equation for the guy to fall in love with them (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Mujse Dosti Karogi) This harmful stereotyping has shaped rhetoric to reward some women and praise others, only on the basis of their interests.
Talking about the use of this phrase as a compliment; does being backhanded count? How can something be a compliment when it relies on putting an entire gender down? Sometimes even the one who gives this compliment is unaware of its underlying misogynistic tones. The underlying notion of ‘you’re special’ attached to it is understandable, given, who doesn’t want to feel special?
Times are changing and so should our mindset. Its time to shed our fear of ‘log kya kahenge’ (what will others think?).People still judging others and putting them down for their choices and interests need to get a life (sorry not sorry!). To everybody out there still stuck in the hell loop and down with this disease- there’s nothing wrong in being like ‘other girls’. Who cares what anybody else thinks? It took me a while to understand that I didn’t want to be special. I wanted to be like those other girls. Other girls are beautiful and smart. They like makeup and books. They like blue and pink. They don’t care what people think.
Piece by-
Aarohi Chauhan
aarohichauhan2@gmail.com
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