"Celebrating another woman's triumphs or success will never take away from your shine or glory. If anything, it'll add to it and create more light."
Modern civilization is the result of the contributions of men and women. However, this doesn't amend the very fact that the system is male-dominated and ladies are just accommodated in it. There's an aphorism that women are their own worst enemies. As a woman, somewhere in our life/career, we might have had an awful experience that made us think that indeed we are our own worst enemies. Instead of holding the next/younger woman’s hand, we are scared there won’t be enough shine for all of us. Sometimes it has been observed that women might go ahead and bad-mouth another woman for simply dressing better than them; women would hate others for affording luxuries they can’t, women would absolutely curse you for being in a loving relationship, you name it. We are vile creatures who would even notice if another woman wore the same dress two times in a week. Do you agree?
It is seen that from an early age, we’re tutored to be in competition with one another. Teen girls are the meanest women around. You're discriminated against as a result of being too pretty, too smart, too ugly, too “boyish” and a bunch of alternative foolishness created by mental acts. Very early in the game, we are taught that women gossip and bitch about everything and that men are confident. Men, it seems, are more valued in society than women, so we believe that to get a seat at the table we must behave in a certain way. As women, we have a tendency to put that foolishness and it interprets into not feeling or actively supporting alternative girls. It’s troublesome on behalf of me to grasp why we have a tendency to read one another as enemies. It’s onerous for a few of them to be vulnerable with them owing to that underlying concern of betrayal.
Struggling with feelings of inadequacy and associated jealousy towards alternative girls is very comprehensible once girls are tutored to worth themselves supported in their appearance and compare their appearance to others’ supported an oppressive hierarchy. But, there's a pernicious facet to social comparisons as well: once partaking in questionable "upward social comparisons" you compare yourself to somebody superior to yourself, undermining your sense of self-worth and vanity. Somewhat paradoxically, and unfortunately, we end up making upward social comparisons with those who are close to us--our siblings, or people from our neighbourhood. It is most harmful to our self-worth. This is one reason why the people we hate the most, and the people who evoke the greatest amount of jealousy and envy in us, are the ones closest to us. It's human to feel competitive sometimes; it's normal to feel jealous, but we have to reel in those negative emotions and not let them dictate our relationships with one another.
Misogyny is in our homes, in our workplaces, in our relationships. Hateful beliefs, comments and actions towards girls are at intervals jokes, the media, movies, billboards, casual conversations. Women are even expected to alter their vesture and etiquettes entirely after wedding. In India, mothers-in-law think it their right to suppress and insult their daughters-in-law; Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict often emerges from an expectation that each is criticising or undermining the other, but this mutual unease may have less to do with actual attitudes and far more to do with persistent female norms that few of us manage to shake off completely. According to the study of hundreds of families over two decades, more than 60 per cent of women admitted the relationship with their female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress. The role of media can not be unseen here. From Ekta Kapoor to Karan Johar, they have made us believe into an unrealistic relationship, casting doubts and suspicion, without any inherent cause.
Instead of building each other, some derive joy in tearing our fellow women apart. It has also been observed, a woman, sometimes cannot be honest with another woman because secretly, it is always a competition with them. By perceiving a subjectively shorter time-frame at intervals that they have to attain their goals and by having a larger diversity of goals, girls are possible to expertise a lot of conflict among their goals. There are two main theories of why women are competitive in indirectly aggressive ways. Evolutionary psychology, which uses natural selection to explain our modern behaviours, says that women need to protect themselves from physical harm, so indirect aggression keeps us safe while lowering the stock of other women. Feminist psychology chalks up this indirect aggression to internalizing the patriarchy. Once it involves obtaining ahead within the geographic point, girls are their own worst enemy. Whereas academic- Benenson believes girls have evolved to behave in sure ways that, alternative lecturers argue that as- queen behaviour - a product of discrimination perpetuated by men. Academic Ellemers says queen behaviour could be a response to favouritism, wherever some girls try and distance themselves from alternative girls. At the instant within the company world women usually don’t speak up for themselves and sadly are the primary reason to place alternative girls down.
Despite having a fraction of the ability of men, despite being victim-blamed, shamed, degraded, and minimized; despite the threat of abuse, rape, or murder; despite the prospect they’ll lose their job or keep for speaking up; despite having way fewer weapons in their arsenal—how do girls manage to still be therefore brave, so kind, and then confirmative of alternative girls most of the time?
"Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women." - Maya Angelou
We should empower the women around us to succeed and excel in every aspect of their lives. Let’s stop mistreating each other and making everything a competition! There is so much for us to gain as a gender, in supporting each other. We shouldn’t feel threatened by each other. We need an inner circle where we can safely discuss our challenges at work, or at home or simply to celebrate each other.
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About the Author:
Riddima is currently pursuing Bachelor in commerce from the University of Delhi. She is a coffee addict and she loves to observe people. When she’s free she can usually be found binge-watching her favourite series. You can reach out to her for conversations about music, food, movies.
an important read ! ✨